Shark in the Water
read. enjoy. follow.
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Quote reblogged from My Stupid MouthDon’t you love it when people in school are like, “I’m a bad test taker”? Oh, you mean, you’re stupid. You struggle with that part where we find out what you know? Oh. No, no, I can totally relate. See, because I’m a brilliant painter, minus my God-awful brushstrokes. Oh, how the masterpiece is so crystal in my head, but once paint hits canvas, I develop Parkinson’s.Daniel Tosh (via whatwehate-wemake)
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Quote reblogged from My Stupid MouthDon’t you love it when people in school are like, “I’m a bad test taker”? Oh, you mean, you’re stupid. You struggle with that part where we find out what you know? Oh. No, no, I can totally relate. See, because I’m a brilliant painter, minus my God-awful brushstrokes. Oh, how the masterpiece is so crystal in my head, but once paint hits canvas, I develop Parkinson’s.Daniel Tosh (via whatwehate-wemake)
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Chat reblogged from High Street Proper
- DANIEL TOSH: If you don't know, it's when you throw cash on the hoes. I came up with my own expression; I like to 'make it hail' -- That's when you throw change at sluts.
- SLUT: Ow! Are those nickels?
- DANIEL TOSH: Yeah, it's a down economy. I'm a baller on a budget, bitch!
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Quote reblogged from CollocutionSometimes, when I’m feeling down because nothing seems to be going right, I like to take a home pregnancy test. Then I can say, ‘Hey, at least I’m not pregnant,’ and I know happy days are around the corner.Daniel Tosh (via collocution)
